having a new chance at age of 50+

having a new chance at age of 50+

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having a new chance at age of 50+
Dear members of this forum, in my past I keep different memories. Some of them are very pleasant and essential for me. It was quite tough but today I decided to tell my own story. This experience was bitter. The venom of those days and my memory bane me till now. Iím crying while I publish this stuff. You may respect my thoughts. You may judge me. It doesnít matter indeed. The only think making sense now is that I can tell it. Itís my confession. Whole my life I did mistakes. But the most awful act was that I couldnít have prevented some episodes. I have divided my story in two parts because itís going to be a little bit longer than itís used to write on forums. Thank you very much in advance for attention. 1 Stepon
8/7/2018
part 1 Hello to all of you! Iím a new one to this forum. Itís not a big deal for me. Iím glad to be here. Iím sure you are used to new people. I know you sometimes talk about surrogacy. You here share your experience. I decided to join your community having a purpose. My family became complete with help of this surrogacy as well. More than that, Iím having what to tell. Donít even know how to better start. This post is going to describe my own attitude regarding surrogacy. There will be some facts from my own biography. I already know itís going to be long. Who agrees itís too long just close down the page. Thank you for letting me write here, here we go. I had a son. Yes, my husband and I havenít ever suffered from infertility. We were a usual family. My son was born in a year after we had got married. Itís absolutely a normal thing. You know, Iím continuing. We didnít suspect the life was bringing many terrible events. happens Ė some say. destroys lives. I admit we didnít ever think about reproductive medicine. We didnít want to have more children. We established a small business. My husband wanted our son to become our heir. We were slowly and gradually preparing a good financial platform for his further life. We had a plan to give him a wonderful education. Everything went perfectly according to our plan. Our son invited a girl to our home one day. He decided to introduce us to his girlfriend. It was such a lovely evening. Perhaps the last lovely evening with my son. I remember he came to us and said. He and his girl decided to spend half a year in Europe. She was even younger than him. So gorgeous and active. They were going to find a work in there. As well they were hungry for the new experience. It was supposed to be a fascinating adventure for both of them. He returned home alone. It took more than 8 months. We couldnít contact him during last 4 months of his staying there. Our son began doing drugs. We sent him money for food and all necessary. We understood they didnít find a good job. He confessed they tried drugs before that journey. But that was experience of beginners. Sometimes they took some pills and powder. I donít mean that was okay. Of course, no! However, it wasnít so profound in him. He returned home exhausted. He starved. But he couldnít eat. Things looked badly. He was yellow and thin. He started to do drug shots. His girlfriend left him there. As he said they were in Germany when she left him. She went to Belgium with a stranger who had been dealing with drugs. We didnít blame her. She was also trapped. She did injections too. They all were in a huge trouble. We couldnít know where that girl was. The first thing we applied to the rehab center. It was such a big tragedy. Our single kid became drug addicted. All our money was dedicated to saving our son. He escaped from hospital after 2 weeks he spent there involuntarily. He stole a car. I didnít know where he learnt how to seize a car. We were not informed about that incident. Until the cops called us to say something. The car our son stole smashed into a truck. He was driving at a speed of almost 120 miles per hour. He wasnít going home. We donít know where he was going that day. He died at that car crash. It was like a lighting. I felt I was dying with him. Our son was 21 years old. We buried him in a closed coffin. That car he was in was totally flattened under the wheels of the truck. It was too big loss. Oh, guys, we understood what the depression means. It was very devastating time. Funeral of children is a nightmare. Thatís not right. it mustnít be so. Parents donít have to bury the children. My mourning will last forever. We had to give up. There wasnít any opportunity to live on. Where to move on. Why should we have to hold on? The only reason to stay on Earth was our son. His future promised us to live happy. We were expecting grandchildren. We were looking forward to witnessing how our sonís kids grow. We put much into children. Sometimes they respond to us with sorrow. I would like to divide my story into two chapters. The first one was about my son. Itís a sad one. You see itís really sad. As I mentioned we had only reason to die in that sadness. We didnít die. As you could have seen we found that why to live for. I donít want to add grief to my second chapter. So itíll be here. That girl who were introduced as our sonís girlfriend died either. It happed a few years after our son was gone. She suffered from hepatitis and other. That how the story was. Nothing inspiring, nothing making interest. It was just a human misery. 2 Stepon
8/7/2018
part 2 Writing the first part at the beginning I said it would describe my attitude. It was too hard to remember. I was destructed. My apologies. Itís rather difficult to withdraw it from memory. Well, now you know what we had to go through. As I already said I wasnít ever infertile. We merely decided to have one kid. It was our concerted decision. You certainly understand we couldnít begin making new children after our sonís death. No, we were making an effort how to save ourselves. The marsh of sorrow and sadness drowned us. There was no direct exit from our state. We actually could go deeper into work. But who needs working? For what? Our love and heir was gone. I canít say for sure. 7 years we couldnít recover. Yeah, I was 49 when we started to think in that direction. What if we have a baby? My husband and I began having such a thought. It started to make sense. Actually maybe it was too late. But we know never too late. Our relatives werenít supporting us. Perhaps it seemed strange to everyone. After long 7 years of kind of depression a couple of old fellows decided to go crazy. Who will believe in it? They saw how we suffer. All people around were aware of our misery. They tried to convince us a baby shouldnít be a substitution. You know they were sure we were going to replace the memory of our dead son with another one. Itís weird, yeah? But I understood it seemed so. Our friends were convinced we didnít have to do it. Because it was the way to destroy childís mind. Theyíve been saying we wonít love him like it was towards our firstborn. Yes, yes, they were partly right. We were making new steps without knowing where we go. Itís absolutely true. It was a big stress after stress. And considering that deep and dark condition we had been in during almost 10 years, surrogacy didnít scary us. I had menopause. We couldnít obviously make it on our own. I found it dangerous to carry out baby. Moreover, I didnít want to take risk regarding mental pregnancy changes. I wasnít ready to become a problem and a threat to my future baby. We didnít spend much time in search. We heard enough positive reviews from Ukraine. I was 50 and my husband was 53 when we were accepted in program. Fortunately, my husbandís sperm was not as excellent as good enough. Fertilization was well done. We used service of an egg donor. We could choose. Maybe Iíll tell about it a bit later. The clinic provided us with magnificent surrogate. That was how we went through. As I assured the first chapter was about my sad side of biography. The second chapter tells about the triumph. We took part in surrogacy being over the age of 50. Was it try to have our son back? I donít know guys. I didnít think what was right and what was wrong. We got involved. We submerged completely. No one was heard. We were moving forward. I myself didnít get offended with mistrust from our close people. It even didnít hurt. We overcame a great sorrow. The pain of it weíll be carrying inside forever. I felt how one mother in me got killed. It took almost 10 years to resurrect another mother in me. I was experienced and wise. Besides that, I was full of young energy preserved in my heart. I was able to meet a new life after death. We contacted that clinic. We got a response. The next step was to visit them having an appointment. My husband took some tests. He gave his semen sample. It was profoundly examined. After all those checkups we could go further. We signed a contract. Thatís all. That was all we have to know about beginning. I guess all the programs get started that way. The clinicís team was very attentive to us. They provided us with all necessary. I mean they did it during all our stays there. All our visits. Our lovely surrogate gifted us with the sweetest twins. Two boys arrived into this mad world. That day I got completely sure what the miracle it was. I wasnít trying to replace the memory of my son. I needed someone to give my love. My love wasn't expired. It was ineffable. I looked at our babies and I was crying. You can say we are too old. I feel alive. Weíre doing really fine. Iím sure weíll give much good to our children. Weíll bring them up. They will be kind and decent people. Everyone will be glad to have friendship with them. Twins are amazing phenomenon. They protect each other. They are never bored. I hope their closeness will help them to avoid doing many mistakes. They are going to live a life full of wonderful moment. I canít be dubious in that my friends. My children are healthy. We left Ukraine after treatment quickly enough. Our relatives met our children with hearts of love. They care after them. I remember the time all they stood against our decision. Now they perhaps forgot it. Nobody believe in us. Honestly even we didnít believe. Hope was just a hazy idea. We found sufficient strength to have it. All what was coming in our way brought sort of disappointment. However, we both were stronger than circumstances. For all who are infertile, I wish you to be ready. You are obliged to be prepared to face with different coincidences and unexpectedness. You have to react rapidly. You will be taking decision immediately or never. Perhaps that was all I wanted to say. For me it was like confession. Thank you for all. I hope you overcome everything. Itís your life, no matter how old you are. 3 Stepon
8/7/2018
How are you doing now dear? You look like a very strong woman. I swear itís a chance to speak to such a strong person inspiring others. It wasnít certainly easy to make that post. You had to fight inner doubts and pain. It was necessary to remember everything again. How did that fateful decision come? Itís not common to apply for surrogacy without pre-expectation. Have you ever been a patient of reproductive clinics? This story was really inspiring and touching. The first part makes me cry. Itís truly too huge loss. Youíve got a big heart. I donít know where to find such a confidence. You made choices despite that your people were convincing you otherwise. 4 toytoo
8/8/2018
It was such a supportive message. Thank you very much. I am not that strong as it could seem. Iím often weak and weeping. My husband is that one who lets me be weak. He has got no right to be wimp. This way we overcame those years of sorrow. It was really a team work. We were attentive to each other. Iíve been looking after him for not being depressed. Heís been looking after me. And took care of me. I guess it was our simple recipe. That wasnít actually simple in any sense. We lost our baby. He was our beloved, cherished little boy. You were exactly right. People who were always around us, those who have always loved us showed their disagreement. They were gravely telling us how it would be tiring and impossible. I love my people, my dear relatives. Anyway those days I didnít want to meet them and listen to anyone of them. It was the point of misunderstanding. They tried to think objectively. It made them look at things at a critical angle. They judged us. We forgave them everything. If you could only see how they love our babies. Most of them come to us with one goal to play with our twins. All the block where we live adore our sweet boys. We like it so much. Our children are protected by whole district. How did that idea come? Well, who remembers? Those days we were really full of different ideas falling down from the ceiling like the summer stars. I remember the investigation. It was very easy. The first clinic which picks up the phone was going to be ours. We did not have much requirements. We loved the way they spoke. We liked an atmosphere in there. On the surface it was appropriate clinic. When we immersed deeper we understood it was very professional and reliable company. No complaints. No regrets. Only positive thinking and aiming to the future. Perhaps I answered our question. 5 Stepon
8/8/2018
Feel so sorry for that you had to pass through. No one knows how it was tough. Itís difficult to express my sympathy. God let your son rest in peace. Honestly I would have died after that. His death was so sad and terrible. Mourning will be lasing forever. Drugs are the plague of generation. We canít count on how many son and daughters died because of it. That plagued takes our children away. Iím sure he was a wonderful man. Too young to die. He didnít deserve that fate. You werenít destined to bury your child. The wild world lets such injustice happen. That wasnít your fault of course. It happens to children who got much love and care as well. Thereís no insurance against that. My ankle was also treated in rehab. He was cocaine addict. Besides that, he was treated from smoking addiction. They saved his life. How did you help yourself to cope with that loss early on? I can just imagine it was unbelievably hard. You did it. Such events leave deep scars. Heart is bleeding for many years after. Your husband is a great man. You did it all right. I think a little number of people could take it the same. You can be proud of yourselves. Accept my congratulations on your babiesí birth. They help you not to think about bad things. They are making our life gorgeous. I hope you enjoy your life. You should be a wonderful mother. No doubts, you are good at that role. Did you know your clinic before you started? How was your journey? Which people did you see there? Infertility id a real curse. Sometimes it steals all hopes. However, your case and that loss were more horrible. You inspire people to continue fighting. Thatís never too late. You proved it. 6 Clarentz
8/8/2018
Iíll try to explain. How did we cope with our sonís death? Honestly we didnít cope. I say it frankly. We didnít do anything special to distract ourselves. The tragedy came. And we were open to it to endure it from inside. It was like a thunder, too loud to get explained. They could hardly describe anything. It was hell we went through because we saw no other way to express our love and agony of loss. In fact, we didnít do anything. We have just been enduring it. It was our fate. I canít agree about my fault. Maybe you may not blame me. However, I blame myself all the time. It was my fault just because it had happened. And it was my child. That means I didnít give him something needed in order to avoid his death. We lost connection. He chose his way. But we had to be his protectors. Did we know our clinic before you started? No, actually I have always had a perfect health. I didnít visit clinics looking for a help. As well my fertility didnít disturb me. We got pregnant purposely and without problems when we wanted it. When I was 50 it was a bit late to think about pregnancy. I know that Ukraine is one of the most fast-evolving destinations. I just heard. I even donít know from where and whom. Our journey was ideal. Or itís to rather say it was close to ideal. Our surrogate got pregnant with her very first attempt. We used donorís egg. Maybe that was so smooth because of good eggís quality. In short it was good and brining no stress. Sometimes people live through more complicated journeys. Itís not that rare. We were lucky ones if itís possible to joke like that. We met a lot of different people there. Telling about serving staff, they were polite as it must be in their working case. I saw people exhausted with endless treatment. They were there because it was the last hope for some of them. I felt it from the conversations. Some of them were quite open, some were closed and shy. Those were very lovely people. Such pleasant ones. I feel for them. All their life went on in course of daily struggling. Itís totally depleting experience. My life wasnít filled with appointments and medicine. I had enough fine life to enjoy it. You have to forgive me. I wasnít at the same pace with them. They knew it. As I said I didnít suffer from reproductive diseases. I just donít know about most procedures applied in such medicine. We werenít ones of their community of interest. I understood those peopleís aim. It was clear and some stories were really touching. It was a specific experience. 7 Stepon
8/8/2018
Hello, it was so unbelievable. You opened your heart. I apparently felt because I know how to lose own child. Your post isnít a usual one. Iím not frequently read such stuff. Perhaps Iíd not be able to do it often. When you read someoneís life itís a huge responsibility. Iím afraid of saying something wrong. I donít want you to get me in wrong way. You overcame a lot. I really think you are vulnerable and gentle. Not so good for you when you face with such terrible situations. I like the way you tell. You donít need acknowledgment . Thank you for that amazing confession. Hey, donít think you are guilty. Was there any chance to help? I did everything what each of us would manage in case. Itís definitely an irreparable loss. You hold on impeccably. You can be proud darling. You said during seven years you were just waiting. You didnít know what it would be in the future. Whether the future would be at all or not. I canít compare my loss to yours. Yes, I felt awfully. I was in despair. You lost your adult son. He was your main hope. And itís not the same. My experience is two miscarriages. It was so tough to understand our chance got missed. My husband and I want to become parents so much for a while. Itís our biggest problem. We couldnít change anything. I got used my problem is unfixable. We had a treatment in one of the best European clinics. Nothing works for me. I canít get pregnant. Those two pregnancies which I had were likely as an exception. We had them like a miracle. It made things worse. Because loosing those babies I was depressed even deeper. Letsí better talk about positive things. Your life was shocked with astonishing event. Your sweet babies were born. How was it? How did you surrogate feel after that? I guess itís more than just a decent reason to be happy. I congratulate you. It was a big achievement. Your babies will definitely beautify your life. Your husband and you must be happy. itís a miracle. Why were your relatives against your plans? Itís maybe common when old people donít understand purposes of youth. I guess there was another issue in your family. Iím proud of you like a woman who knows value of children. You did it as it was possible. We are with you. 8 Daymyday
8/8/2018
You are welcome. Thank you and Iím also sorry for what you have been through. Even our enemies mustnít bury their children. Itís harrowing punishment. Itís always a big tragedy. Not every heart can endure it. We didnít want to finish our lives like that, in sorrow and misery. We felt we should do more. Years were passing by. It was making a great pressure. However, there wasnít another way. Parents usually donít see how to continue living after their childrenís death. Thatís damn truth. Children must live. Thatís what I had learnt. I couldnít accept those thoughts. It hurt me and my understanding of world. No, I was telling not about our parents. They are already gone. They left us before our son did the same. Actually I didnít expect for their support. Guess surrogacy seemed like sin for them. Prejudice is a complex disorder. There is no place for prejudice where the new choice must be taken. I told about my friends and brothers. We werenít young. We lost our son. They werenít sure we would be okay with that after all. Understand they cared of us. They though we took that decision it would lay a big responsibility upon our backs. And if we didnít take it itíd be too frustrating experience. All were afraid of new challenges. However, when the children were born all people surrounding us showed how supporting and caring they could be. Thatís all I think. Iím not used to think we had achieved something. The childís birth is a regular thing. Iím sorry actually, itís wonderful and exciting but we didnít do anything supernatural. Do you understand what I mean? We didnít undergo many cycles one by one. We werenít disappointed after expectation. That wasnít not easy, actually no. surrogacy takes much time. But we both knew we didnít have the other option. Iím satisfied with my choice completely. My clinic was even better than I was able to find out from reviews. 9 Stepon
8/8/2018
You are right. itís often not like it was in someoneís reviews. My husband and I are willing to go through surrogacy. We do not have another option to sit and wait. In real, we canít have a baby naturally. We were trying during long 6 years. I was pregnant twice. Both times it ended with miscarriage. It was tough. Imagine you are the woman who tries hard without result. One day you understand you got pregnant. Itís your certain chance to change your life. You carry that child like a piece of gold. You lose your baby without a definite reason. Your dreams get broken. Itís the end. In fact, itís not but you start all again. Iím tired too much of struggling. My husband is also exhausted. There must be solution. Sometimes it seems we go somewhere blindly. We understand only that we want to be parents. However, one day we will give up. Itíll be over. I donít want to see such a scenario. Surrogacy must help us. It works for thousands people all over the world. We are going to add ourselves to this number. What was the fate of that girl? You told of her like she was your sonís girlfriend. Drugs donít have mercy. Your family is really cool. Itís a good environment for bringing up children. They will be kind and amiable people. I heard of Ukraine but it still looks too suspicious. However, I see many examples of smooth journeys. People are satisfied. We donít want to get into new trouble abroad. It can be too stressful. God knows. What do you want to do in the future? Will you keep us updated on your life? Itíll be exciting to know how you are living. Hold on dear! Itís you have more rights to say it to me. Iím not an example for you to follow. You are really stronger. 10 Daymyday
8/8/2018
You probably see my interest was to know only about my son. I wasnít angry with that girl. I knew only that she left him. There werenít additional details explaining how come. He said to us she had left. Unfortunately, nothing more. I could imagine they had some conflict. She fell in love with some guy. I think she was not a good pair to our boy. Both of them were addicted to drugs. Maybe they started doing that together. No one told us details. A couple of years after my son was gone someone said she died too. I really donít remember who it was. I didnít pay much attention. All my concerns were about my son. I experienced too big loss. We couldnít just think of anything else. I know she suffered from various diseases. One of them was hepatitis. Itís a serious one. She didnít have to play with such things. Two young people left this world. I canít hide my tears thinking about it. I didnít meet her mother. Guess it was another tragedy for her. itís always painful. As for my forum engagement, I donít know. Iím glad to be here. In fact, now thereís no spare time for chatting. My boys grow. I have to keep my energy for them. I hope youíll discover this pleasure on your own soon. Actually I was telling my story when I was abroad. In the clinic there we had our program I met people who could relate to me. Iím grateful for their frankness. That was amazing clinic. And amazing people gathered there to support each other. I hope all of them have succeeded. All the people deserve to have at least meaning of life. Children fill our life with that meaning. Donít you think so? Maine idea of my post was to say itís not too late to do it. Even if you are 50 years old. Itís not a beginning of the life. But our life goes on. Even if you die before they graduate a collage weíll gift a new life. Weíll arrange everything needed to create a new life. I guess itís a noble idea. Especially if you can provide your future children with financial safety. They wonít starve even after our death. My husband and I gained a new opportunity to live. We remember our poor little boy. However, it doesnít affect out strong feeling of love towards our newborns. You know what I tried to mean. You have to try your best to have it. If you really find a desire in your heart you have to pursue your passion. Until your love vanishes, please, share it with your children. Youíll be feeling a real pleasure. Itís worth living. 11 Stepon
8/9/2018

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having a new chance at age of 50+